You Betta Work: The Labor of Self-Love

self love, Uncategorized



Earlier this month, many celebrated Valentine’s Day. We all know all sorts of emotions can be a buzz during this time. Every year, I think about my grandma because February 14th is her heavenly birthday. Every year, I see opinions plastered all over social media about who should or shouldn’t celebrate this day, how it should be celebrated, who should pay for dinner, who shouldn’t pay for dinner, and so on and so forth. Yeah, people tend to be all over the place.

Every year, I have my own personal reflections about love and my life around this time, as well.  One of the things I try to really hone in on is this idea of self-love. Self-love has become a buzz word of sorts in recent years, but beyond the fluff and the minimization of it (i.e. get your nails done and boom, check off that self-love box), what is it really and are we really truly loving ourselves? I’m approaching the dirty t-word (thirty!), and I’m finding more and more that self-love is indeed a radical act in the words of Audre Lord, but it also takes getting our hands a little dirty in order to truly achieve. Here are just a few things I think of when I think of the “work” of self-love.

Self-love means recognizing our own toxic behaviors. Do we ever get on our own nerves? Block our own blessings? When we answer “no” to both of these questions, we’re probably lying to ourselves. In this season (and all the time, really), we should take some time to think about the things that we do to hinder ourselves. Do you struggle with doubting yourself? Perhaps you find yourself feeling jealous of those around you? Whatever you may do (knowingly or unknowingly) to make life harder on yourself can be worked on. My main toxic behavior is worrying. I worry so much, it often cripples me, robbing me of my joy and sometimes, my sanity. To put it simply: I often miss “the moment” because I’m too busy worrying about the what ifs of “what’s next.” Lately, I have been paying close attention to my bouts of worry in an attempt to identify when I’m doing too much, bringing myself back to the moment when I do. I’m also actively re-centering myself spiritually with scripture and quiet time to fend off the worrying. We need to think about what we need to do to help ourselves.

Self-love means being with ourselves sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with eating lunch alone or staying at home alone all day. The times we’re with ourselves should not make us feel sad or empty, for the most part. Alone time should feel like enough. I’ve just gotten to the point where I love being with myself. Before? I was always concerned about doing everything with friends and I looked at life as a group walk instead of an individual walk. I just could not stand the thought of being home alone for the day or even simply eating by myself. Now? I look forward to being with myself. I get excited about journaling in the quiet or simply laying on the bed with a good book. I even cherish the time I take getting dressed to go somewhere and my commute to work, where it’s just me, my thoughts and my music. If you don’t really know how to be with yourself, just throw yourself out there and do it. Spend some time at home alone doing something that relaxes you — and enjoy it. Go to your favorite store and shop (or window shop and plan for payday 😉 — and enjoy it.

Self-love means getting uncomfortable. There’s nothing wrong with stretching ourselves and getting a little uncomfortable. When we see new opportunities that require a departure from our comfort zones, maybe we should stick our neck out and at the very least, see what happens. Maybe there are things we want to try to better ourselves (healthier lifestyles, challenging intellectual work, etc.), but we don’t necessarily like big changes. I think this is the time when healthy changes should be considered, at the very least. What I’m trying to say is, we don’t know what we don’t know, and not knowing is uncomfortable. But, on the other side of discomfort could be an upgraded, leveled-up version of us, bigger, better and badder than ever. You don’t know until you try.

The one and only Toni Morrison said it best — “You are your best thing.”

We’re all busy with all kinds of work right about now, be it school, careers, starting families, healing from trauma, exploring our identities, trying to get healthy, fighting for social change — you name it. Amidst this work, let’s try to make more time for ourselves and more importantly, for the work we owe to ourselves. Our best thing.


Becoming U at the University


students walking.jpg


Going to college will be one of your most life changing experiences. Not only is it frightening to be far from home, surrounded by so many different people, but what’s even worse is you probably haven’t even figured out who you are yet. That’s perfectly fine. Use that as fuel to figure out. Following the crowd and mimicking everyone else is so much less fulfilling than building yourself up to be the individual you were born to be. You have so much to offer and your potential is endless. Your own beauty, creativity, and intelligence is much more powerful and significant than a duplicate of someone else’s could ever be.

How do you make this happen you ask? How do you find that amazing, fierce woman hiding deep down inside of you? That’s easy. You relentlessly search for her. This involves a little soul searching and a lot of just living your life. Of course learning and making good grades are both vital to be successful in school. However, don’t be that girl who spent her entire college career in the library studying. Get out there, meet new people, get involved on campus, and find your passion. Not only because it will help you develop your own personal character, but also because a well-rounded woman will be much more prepared for life after college than the girl who studied her life away. Don’t get me wrong, do study your butt off; but reward yourself for your hard work and also put work into other parts of your life. As you will soon find out, college is just a big balancing act. You’ll have to learn how to balance your school work, social life, and your extracurricular duties. At times it will be stressful, but as long as you’re doing things that you’re truly passionate about, you’ll find the time. But if you’re doing entirely too much for illegitimate reasons, let a few things go.

As I reflect on the past two and a half years I’ve spent at Hampton University, there are a lot of things I’m glad that I did but there are many other things I wish I had tried to do. But I went outside of my comfort zone many, many times and it helped me discover things about myself that I never would have. Help yourself become the most awesome version of yourself possible by getting out there and leaving your mark. You’ll never know what that could lead to unless you take the leap.


AyonnaAyonna Thornton is a first year professional Doctor of Pharmacy candidate at the Hampton University School of Pharmacy. She is originally from Oxford, North Carolina where she founded the mentoring program Cheering Girls On in 2015. Her program caters primarily to the cheerleaders at her alma mater high school but she plans to majorly expand in 2016. Ayonna also enjoys volunteering at the Boys and Girls Club in Hampton, VA. She loves playing with the young girls and helping them with their resident step team. She spends any other free time she has cooking, painting, reading, and writing for her blog, Solstice. She is also involved with several organizations on campus at her Home by the Sea such as the NAACP and her class’s executive counsel. She hopes that her involvement in all of her projects reflects her care for the black youth in the community and her desire to reach and teach them.